Hug A TSA Agent

by Kevin Nakao

Summertime and the living is easy, except for those that insist on boarding a plane.  Pushing SUV-sized strollers & booking 2 stop connections to earn more frequent flyer points, many travelers set themselves up for failure.  The customer is always right, so indignant air travelers will share their air whines at barbecues and on Facebook posts.  You’ve heard them all —  lost luggage, crying babies, canceled flights everywhere, you know the airlines just don’t care.

The most pedestrian of the genre is the TSA shake down. From the start you know it ends badly with fructose-free yogurt confiscated from the lululemon MILF.  A child goes hungry.

TSA is always good for a quip and agents are easy targets for passive aggressives to unleash the latter half of their personality disorder.   A Florida woman who asserts she was groped by a TSA agent went Rambo and is now facing misdemeanor felony charges for grabbing the crotch of a TSA agent  as payback.

It’s rarely a hot girl complaining about being felt up during a pat down, I would remember that. TSA only picks on the bacon-fed lardo’s. Wouldn’t you want to use those scanners to check out those muffin tops and beer belly’s?

Politicians have jumped on the TSA-hate wagon. Crafty Rand Paul raised $250k in 3 days when he pledged to privatize and end the reign of TSA.   Rand also demonstrated his Tea Party cred by refusing a TSA pat down when he triggered a scanner alarm.  He was not allowed on that flight, his childish protest is just another reason he’s stuck in the fringes.

In an official hearing on TSA, Rep. Mike Rogers (R-Ala.), chairman of the House Homeland Security Transportation Subcommittee suggested TSA stop doing pat-down searches of well-known passengers such as Beyonce and Donald Rumsfeld.  Maybe TSA should keep copies of TMZ nearby to identify all the celebrities trying to fly incognito.

Much respect to the TSA agent who padded down Rumsfield. Why would anyone trust “Rummy” after he pushed us into the Iraq invasion and then ignored the advice of our military leadership on resources, strategy, and a post-invasion plan.  He was probably concealing that weapon of mass destruction Saddam was hiding.  Oops my mistake, there were no WMD’s found.

The subcommittee went on to address the agency’s efforts to fix its “poor customer service image and become a leaner, smarter agency.

Leaner and smarter is always good, but a better image shouldn’t be a priority.    I don’t want my TSA to be friendly, just effective.  I like security that is intimidating, serious, focused and on high alert.  I’m not proposing Rodney King beat-downs (well maybe on those who wear flip-flops into airplane bathrooms), just the right level of authority and unpredictability to deter evil-doers.

TSA agents work to keep us safe and for that reason alone we should respect them.  Like anything else, there are both good and bad actors.  We get to travel, while they are on the ground working in the same place doing the same thing.  Even with business travel, visiting another city is at least change of scenery and an opportunity for a different experience.  Flying is a luxury not everyone can afford.

But please do not really hug a TSA agent, you may get in trouble for that.  I’m sure just a simple thank you to the TSA agent is enough, reminding us all that they are doing their job to keep us safe.


I’m guilty of almost everything I call out above, especially ranting and whining about “first world” problems I should be thankful to have.


Guns found in the week of 6/15/12-6/22/12 by TSA.  During this week, they also confiscated a Bazooka round, throwing stars, IED training aids, knifes, stun guns, mace, and 2 cane swords.